i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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