it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
