Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
