There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize