Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
