I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
