you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
