I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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