They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
