I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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