know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
