I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
