Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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