I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
