so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?