Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.