Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will die if light touches me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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