we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
