So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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