dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
