I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
