I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Welp...herpes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
