My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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