You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
