ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
