State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
