Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
