Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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