You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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