Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
