I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
