I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
