I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
