so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
