Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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