You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
