Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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