those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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