We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
