No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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