So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
