The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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