If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
two words...techno handjob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
