How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up under a house in Key West
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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