I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
