Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
