covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
