My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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