i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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