there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
