I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
