Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
