someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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