Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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