knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
