On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
