he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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