I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
