and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize