Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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