So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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