From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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